CRAZY JOURNEY: SHOTGUN LEGISLATIVE FRAMEWORK

As the front passenger seat in the Hummer is the most comfortable, there is always heated competition for it’s use, especially on days with long stretches of driving. Through many heated arguments, stringent shotgun rules have gradually been established. The following are the CRAZYJOURNEY shotgun rules:

Visibility: In order to call shotgun, the car must be visible by the caller.
Outside: You must be outside and the driver must be in the process of leaving on a particular journey. A call cannot be made if there is a roof over the callers head, unless in a multi-storey carpark.
Expiry: The reign of shotgun automatically expires if there are any substantial stops. This does not include petrol stops unless a meal was included in the petrol stop.
Offside: In order for the shotgun call to be legitimate the caller must not be offside, ie in front of the driver as he walks to the car.
Clarity: The shotgun call must be loud, clear and heard by the majority of passengers.
Tie: A tie in a shotgun call between two or more people leads to a rock off showdown for shotgun position. Only one single rock off competition is acceptable.
Tyre Lick: There is only one feasible method for a challenger to override a legitimate shotgun call. This is known as a ‘tyre lick’. The challenger can call ‘Tyre Lick’ and the driver who is a neutral party will be called upon to select with reasonable judgment and integrity a ten centimeter length on the front right tyre. A reasonable amount of pressure and tongue surface area must be applied during the lick. A majority of the tribunal must agree on the lick’s quality. Any evidence found of previous tampering of the tire by a tire licker results in a shotgun tribunal where a maximum fine of two weeks in the bitch position (back middle) can be given to the guilty party. If tyre lick is not performed, the shotgun tribunal can automatically serve a two trip bitch positioning. The tire lick can only be called up to the time the driver puts the keys in the ignition. (Footnote: The licker may not consume any liquid for 5 minutes after the tyre lick.)
Not Bitch: A subsidiary battle after the shotgun call is the ‘Not Bitch’ call. This is only used when 5 passengers are in the Hummer. 2 successful callers get either window seat leaving one loser to ride bitch.
Back-Left Call: Due to recent developments, a ‘Shotgun Back-Left’ call has become another heated battle. This successful call entitles the passenger to ride in the back-left passenger seat. The rules for this call are the same as the main shotgun call. (see aforementioned legislative articles 1-7). Two factors have led to the desirability of this call; 1-After the close call with the overloaded truck in India, shotgun riders now have to deal with a broken window, held up temporarily with paper splints and constantly sliding down which leads to noise and constant irritation. 2 –The TV screen in the back-right passenger position displays some DVDs only in black and white.